1. Wait… there’s a debate tonight?
2. What debate # is this? I lost count.
3. Hopefully this is enough wine to get me through to the first commercial break.
4. Oh, look! There’s only 4 this time.
5. TBT to when there were 14, lol. That was a joke.
6. What’s John Kasich still doing here? He’s cool and all but really...
7. Heeeeey, Carlyyyyyy. Wait no stay, I miss you.
8. Two seconds in and Teddy has already lost his ability to speak.
9. Trump debate platform: Google conservative principles ten minutes before. Memorize. Spew all remembered information.
10. DAAAAMN DONALD, back at it again with the self-funding spiel. You ever going to tell the world your campaign has raised $25 mil? No? Cool.
11. “Government IS the problem” stating the obvious, Ted. But we appreciate you.
12. Ted high key comparing Donnie and Hill rn.
13. Is there going to be a break soon, I need to refill my glass if I’m going to make it through the whole thing.
14. Who the fuck are the people in the audience clapping when Donald is done speaking? How do they understand what he is saying?! It’s literally a string of words!
15. Wait, THIS IS TWO HOURS LONG?! Might as well give each candidate a 30 minute private speech while you’re at it.
16. Please don’t.
17. So far, Donnie has had a constant “what insult am I going to throw next?” look on his face, but it almost looks like he’s uncomfortable. Or constipated.
18. So much social security jargon nobody understands being thrown at me. Now say that all again and pretend that I’m 5.
19. Who gave Donald the Xanax? His chill is starting scaring me now.
20. Seriously, Donald, you okay dude?
21. If only every debate had been so policy-centered as this one MAYBE things would be different.
22. Marco taking Donald DOWN. Like, he brought a damn gun to this knife fight he’s not giving up that easy.
23. You’re right, Trump, they are laughing. AT YOU.
24. Marco looking surprisingly un-sweaty tonight.
25. China bad.
26. Muslims bad.
27. Jews bad. (oh wait, that one was Hitler. Not Trump. My bad.)
28. Wait… this thing isn’t even halfway over yet? I need more wine.
29. Why does Ted pronounce “Hamas” like “hummus” with a French accent?
30. Kasich doesn’t believe there’s any long term peace solution in the Middle East.
31. WTF is up with this dude’s glasses?
32. Cruz wants to “utterly” defeat ISIS. Whatever “utterly” is supposed to mean…
33. Trump on ISIS: “We have to knock ‘em out.” LOL OK, Don. Got a plan to go with that like any of your other bright ideas?
34. CUBA CUBA CUBA CUBA CUBA.
35. I’m confused now, do we like Cuba or do we hate Cuba?
36. Pronouncing Ayatollah Khamenei’s name wrong. #JustTedThings
37. Oh shit, my mom just fell asleep.
38. Here we go with climate change…
39. Where’s Leo when you need him.
40. He’d probably spice this thing up a little tbh.
41. So glad this is our last debate omg.
42. Marco seriously came to slay tonight, breathing fire like a fucking dragon. You go, Marcoco.
43. Ted ain’t letting up either damn.
44. Whenever Trump starts talking I feel like I’m in a constant state of confusion and my resting bitch face turns into a WTF face.
45. Wow, I just need this to be over already.
46. So drunk at this point that whenever people say the word “law” I hear “the law is reason, free from passion” in a Legally Blonde voice.
47. Just to clarify, this is the last debate, right?
48. “I’m not going to destroy the US economy for a law that will do nothing for our environment” Marco over here making Mankiw proud.
49. Duh, it’s hard to be friends with America, Ted, do you see who you’re running against?
50. Actually surprised it took so long to hear a Reagan reference. 180 from CPAC.
51. What I just heard Donald Trump say: “I’m not saying I like Putin, but he’s a pretty cool leader nbd. Strong doesn't mean good tho.”
52. Kasich, you’re giving me a migraine. Stop yelling.
53. Lol @ Donnie being called out by the mods
54. Donald’s making my head hurt because he is literally saying nothing but talking so fucking much.
55. “Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by Washington DC [or Donald Trump]” - Ted Cruz
56. AGAIN WITH THE SELF FUNDING? GET OVER YOURSELF.
57. Ted’s sly website promo and Carly name-drop. I see you, Teddy Bear.
58. If I hear “bipartisan” one more time, I might actually split in half.
59. Why is Kasich still yelling?
60. He’s yelled more tonight than literally all of them and it confuses me.
61. It better be closing statements next.
62. CLOSING STATEMENTS HOORAY! Let me just chug the rest of this drink...
63. Thank god it’s finally over.
64. I wasn’t drunk enough for this.
65. Wait, there’s one next week? FUCK YOU CNN FOR GETTING ME EXCITED.
1. Wait… there’s a debate tonight?