How to Not Be a Dumbass: North Korea Edition

Suppose you’re a college kid. Suppose you wanna go on vacay somewhere . . . exotic. Off the beaten path. Intriguing. You’re not into backpacking Europe like all the trendy kids. You want a different experience for the social justice warrior in you. So for your adventurous vacay, you pick . . . North Korea?!

North Korea ain’t just different, man. It’s bad news bears. This is the place where Christians are chained to a frame and doused in molten metal. This is the country where you could end up in the Korean version of Auschwitz if your mother’s third cousin’s ex-wife looks cross-eyed at the wrong dude. Freedom? HAHAHA no. Not in North Korea. 

And some dumbass college kid decided to take a holiday to this “paradise.”


So the aforementioned dumbass college kid heads over to Pyongyang to chill for a hot minute, and promptly gets himself arrested for taking a political flag out of a hotel. He was sentenced to 15 years hard labor for this “prank.” 



Did he even Google the place before he bought a plane ticket? It’s not exactly the French Riviera. What part of “brutal dictatorship without any regard for freedom or human life whatsoever” did he not understand? He’s not an innocent college kid pulling a prank; he’s a giant dumbass. 

Also, the fact that this same country threatens to blow his homeland off the face of the earth on a regular basis might deter someone from going there. Not this kid.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a tragedy that this kid is going to spend the next 15 years doing hard labor for those North Korean animals, but it’s also a tragedy that this flaming idiot was raised so poorly.

When I was in college, a wise teacher gave me incredibly sage advice. At the end of every class, he’d say, “Alright people. Have a great day, and don’t do stupid things.” 

It’s unfortunate that this frat bro didn’t have my professor. Maybe then he’d be married with 2.2 kids in 15 years, instead of starving and slaving in a North Korean prison camp. And maybe he wouldn’t be such a dumbass.

Don’t do stupid things, y’all. And maybe just go to the beach for vacation .

Stay classy, Leah