The 3 Reasons I Love the New All-Gender Restrooms

So last week, I went to my night class like I do every Wednesday, followed my usual routine: drop my bags off in my chair, get a sip of water, and wash my hands before I touch a germy desk all night (I know, it doesn’t make much sense to wash before, but whatever. Also, that’s not what this article is about, so I digress.). So. I drop off my bag, get my water, and head to the women’s restroom. Only this time, it wasn’t the women’s restroom. Instead of seeing the little white stick figure with a dress on, I was greeted with this neutral sign:

Now, before everyone jumps on my ass, just let me say this: I am ALL FOR this change.

1. You have no idea how much easier your life will become when you don’t have to bother with a gender-specific restroom. So much time will be saved by looking for just any restroom. I spent my day timing it, and I saved a whole :30 seconds. Proper time management, here I come. Additionally, after you’ve washed up, whilst drying your hands and turning to check your outfit in the mirror as women often do, you can now count on the availability of other genders’ opinions as you do so.

2. Due to the fact that the bathrooms are now completely gender neutral, the harmless people who are actually transgendered and simply just want to pee in the bathroom they identify with also get to share in our joy. And, even though we may not openly admit it, aren't we all just a weenie, uh, I mean a wee bit curious about the anatomical differences among us? And now, parents will have extra opportunity to have impromptu anatomy lessons while using the facilities. What a bonus for homeschool families!

3. Perhaps the best reason to support this is due to the fact that it protects any and all penis-wielding predators. Now that the bathrooms are open to everyone, no longer can someone say, “Sir, you have been accused of inappropriately touching a child and/or woman. Why were you in the women’s restroom in the first place?” This is excellent, because it will definitely decrease the crime rates. Well, it’ll at least decrease the conviction rates, saving taxpayer money with fewer incarcerated individuals, and not contributing to already overcrowded prisons. And that is what is truly important here.

So, before everyone freaks out and riots because they don’t want anatomically opposite people roaming their gender-specific bathroom, just think: the new bathrooms add a sense of mystery and intrigue to your day, because you never know what you’re gonna swing that door open to find.

Update: I was on my way home just now, but stopped in one of the academic buildings to use the restroom on the way to my car. After finding one, I opened the door, walked in, and was greeted with two penises attached to two obviously not transgendered people. After my surprised and audible gasp reached their ears, around they turned, schlongs in hand, pee cascading down. My horrible day was made infinitely better by this delightful sighting. Hands-down, highlight of my day.

Lovingly Liberal,
C. Damon, lover of all things neutral